~OnCe UpOn @ T!mE!~ [mah fairy tale s2ry]

*sigh* if there was a day called wasteday this would probably my day… why? because i don’t believe i produced anything productive for this day… i woke up late, got ready in a hurry and then got to school the first among the group… woah! major BADTRIP!!! and then the training day seems to be a waste too because i seem to have caught a bad case of writer’s block and i couldn’t as in couldn’t write properly.. no thoughts, no words would flow out just like how it used to be! and then i didn’t finish my homework simply because i just can’t or won’t… see? and then couldn’t get a conversation straight and THE MOOD SWINGS ARE GETTING WORST! *sigh*  just such a DAMN! day!!!!!

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it’d be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won’t see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it’s killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don’t call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren’t for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain’t no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it’s killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

It’s not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

emptiness-] mine are the eyes that deceive!

mine is the shell that protects, that numbs, that heals…

            This is insane! Who would have thought that I would things could get this far soooo quickly… hahahaha… Yeah, I know that this is just from a story which ended in a tragic manner but hey, a girl could dream! So, what is this all about? Here goes…

            Today, I read a story printed from the internet about a loveless boy and girl who met up one day and decided to play a game. In the girls own words, she said, “You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I’ll be your girlfriend for 100 days.” Although the story didn’t have a happy ending, I was still inspired by the fact that the boy was grateful for the 100 days he had with her. Indeed, they did fall in love within that 100 days. According to the guy, he was thankful for all that they had shared and could no longer ask for more if only she remain his girlfriend forever!

            How did this story inspire me? It inspired me to try my luck. I’ve been left loveless for all my high school life and as I am about to enter the college world, I feel that I owe it to myself to let me try to find out what it’s like to have a boyfriend, even if it’s a game and even if it’s only for 100 days(?) hehehe… so.. I’ve talked up with some friends and we plan to give ourselves a little chance to this for the remaining months of this school year…

            So any problems ahead? You bet there are! And a lot too… It didn’t dawn to me at first however, the more I thought of it, the more that I realized how… tedious it would be… First and foremost, I have no VALID explanation to my parents on how he courted me, when we became a couple because in truth, it just sprung out of nowhere… a game… a dare, so to speak. Secondly, how will I hide the farce relationship from the peering and criticizing eyes of the conservative society and my folks and the oldies? How will I hide and still enjoy the relationship itself just like I’ve aimed it to be a learning experience for me? See.. this game isn’t as simple as I thought.. WORST! What IF I fall… oh well.. I guess I’ll cross the road when I get there… wish me luck… ciao!

GoD! It’s a new year… a new life and a new beginning! hoorraayyy!!! do i sound to jovial? don’t get me wrong… i love beginnings and new chances but hey… it’s the start of classes for 2006 and i find myself up at this ungodly hour of 2 cramming (AGAIN!!!) to finish my filipino report (again?!).. When will i ever learn to do things ahead of time… woah! time out! i just remembered that i was in school during the entire winter holidays. what was i doing.. TRAINING!!! *sigh* i’m a very busy girl. so i find myself still up and awake doing this report and practically hoping that my efforts will reap good response from my classmates tomorrow.. (guys… don’t you dare sleep or chat while i’m reporting tomorrow!!!) heheheheh… oh well.. loads to do and not much time to spare.. ciao!